近日还好

前两个礼拜去看《普贤行，悟菩提》佛曲赏析会，到吉隆坡后，在即将搬迁的茨厂街大众书局与昔日的熟悉面孔们见面。
很开心啊，看到你们。我一直跟他们这样讲。
你变到很瘦咧！骨都跑出来了！他们一直这样讲。
（工作是有点压力。一个月瘦了五公斤，刚买的裤子都变松了。）

在麦当劳替闻频庆祝生日。很久没听到自己的招牌笑声了，很久没那么开朗、放肆地大笑了。
快乐的时光总是很快过。我们只相聚短短几个小时。这几个小时真的，很珍贵。
以前太享受同行善友的真诚和关心了，现在比较少，不习惯。
（在医院变得内向了。没信心，讲话都小小声。哈。）

当晚：《四弘誓愿》大家一起站起来诵念时，内心的惭愧勾出眼角的眼泪。

~~~~~~

今天有幸在家乡佛教会听到师父开示。（师父来带青少年生活营）
师父看到我穿着《普贤行，悟菩提》的T恤，就提到他在“请佛住世”那段特别有感觉。
我就说出当时自己的感觉。
师父一言提醒我：惭愧是当下的，回家了就淡掉了。
我惭愧之后确实是没什么实际行动。

~~~~~~

明年开始在家乡佛教会带佛学班，很好，可以鞭策我精进一点，不要整天浑浑噩噩地过日子。
有经验的善友们，请多多指教哦！资料共享。^_^

恭喜爸爸

爸爸升级当校长了。
是一间微型小学，蛮远，路也不平。
不过相信爸爸很快会被调回来的。
加油！

可爱的阿妹妹

早上去精品店买东西，妹妹挑了一个白色小毛球吊饰。下星期三她生日。她很喜欢小小样的东西。
回家回房间问她在干嘛？
“我在介绍新朋友给他们认识。”

I love you, darling!

一对夫妇在婚后十一年生了一个男孩， 夫妻恩爱，男孩自然是二人的宝。 男孩两岁的某一天， 丈夫在出门上班之际， 看到桌上有一药瓶打开了， 不过因为赶时间， 他只扬声妻子把药瓶收好， 然后就关上门上班去。 妻子在厨房忙得团团转， 就忘了丈夫的叮嘱。 男孩拿药瓶， 觉得好奇、又被药水的颜色所吸引， 于是一饮而尽。 药水成份厉害， 即使成人服用也只能用少量。 男孩服药过量， 被送到医院后，返魂乏术。 妻子被事实吓呆了，不知如何面对丈夫。 紧张的父亲赶到医院， 得知噩耗非常伤心，看儿子的尸体， 望了妻子一眼，然后说了四个字。

这丈夫说了四个甚么字？
答案是： 「I love you, darling!」

这反应是 Proactive 的 （即反过来控制局面，而不被局面控制）。
这丈夫是人类关系的天才， 因为儿子的死已成事实， 再吵再骂也不会改变事实， 只惹来更多的伤心， 而且不只自己失去儿子， 妻子也失去儿子。

这故事， 主旨是彰显人类选择的自我层次 ， 同一件不幸事你可以怨天尤人， 痛骂社会，甚至自责无穷， 但事情却不因这些而改变， 这一切只改变了你和日后的生活， 负着疤痕的活下去。 反之，放下怨恨和惧怕， 放下过去，勇敢的活下去， 事情的境况原来并不如想象中坏， 这就是作者所说的 Proactive Behavior， 也就是我们所说的由人转境 ， 而不是被外界事物牵着走 。 每个人都有不想让人所知的不幸事， 自己选择了什么方式去面对， 又怎么去面对未来，以及周边的人事物...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

在很失意的时候收到这封文章。
当晚真的很难过。
睡前想起久违的慈悲观，不但要对他人慈悲，也要对自己慈悲。
愿自己远离心灵的痛苦，愿自己幸福、快乐、安详。
愿当事人远离心灵的痛苦，愿她们幸福、快乐、安详。
反复在心中想几回，脸上就开始有了微笑，就好像当时在静坐班的体会。
睡觉前不难过了。

Tic-tac-toe的启示

刚才在沈博士的健康讲座上玩了个游戏：两个人一组，任务是在30秒内完成最多Tic-tac-toe。

我是跟旁边的阿嬷一组。她不会玩，所以我教她慢慢玩。

30秒过了。结果，有的组三个，有的四个。

沈博士问：刚才你们是怎样玩？是像以前一样一直去顶着人家的路不要让对方赢？

大家不要忘记我们现在的任务是要在最短时间内完成更多幅Tic-tac-toe，如果是尽量让路给对方赢就可以完成很多了。

...

Fade up with all the requirements to be fulfill...
Everyday rushing to hit the target...
The requirements serve to motivate us to practice more and gain experiences, but when it became a pressure and burden.. lost it purpose.
I don't like the feeling, when i already done the best to do more, but my effort being doubted.
Actually why i'm so care about other's perception on me? Everytime i acted not smart enough, i'll feel bad.
Not done well in presentation, not being careful enough to ensure everything i say or done is 100% correct.
In the process of gaining experience and know better about the hospital setting,
I'll always remind myself to serve the public better, even with my limited ability and performance.
But i'll be more confident as time pass by... for sure.
So, no need to worry about it. Even if they don't pass me, what to do? I done my best. Is your wish to do whatever on me.
I don't want to do counsellings for the sake of hitting target.
I don't want to purposely choose those discharged patients' case to clerk to reduce my workload. (3 new case per day for clinical, those in-ward patients need to be follow up everyday)
I want to do things for its meaning.
I want to be abit more of myself, coz i'm losing it bit by bit since worked.
BE POSITIVE!

Gained back mobility

今天是我六年前考到车牌以来，第一次自己驾车，而且从家里驾去马六甲上班。

对其他人来说，这只是一件微不足道的小事。但今天算是我小小的突破。哈。

问康妮就知道了。之前她住淡边时就引颈长盼我能够驾车载她，结果几年了她搬去KL了，还没有这个荣幸坐到我的车。

每次都给自己很多借口。住槟城很少回家动到车啦，hand and brain coordination 不好啦，懒惰学车啦。所以几年了都没有自己驾车出门逛。惭愧。

在路上有遇到一些状况，信心不足。晚上遇到秀倩姐，提醒我凡事要想好的。最近几个礼拜都是很negative thinking，还好有身边朋友提醒， 不要想太多，要对自己有信心，要把开朗积极的自己找回来。不过讲真医院东西做上手了，真的没那么挫折感了。可见我之前真的是想太多。想想想，倒不如拿时间来充实自己。

加油！我一定可以的！

一个月了

工作一个月了。

这一个月，生活中心都摆在工作。因为自己的愚钝，反应动作慢，所以工作时有点压力。都会想要把工作做好，尽好责任。

考试前两天一个讲座提醒了我很多东西。主讲者问很多关于国家的常识我们都不太懂，所以就提醒我们不仅是药剂师，也是马来西亚公民。突然，猛然一击，开始发觉自己面对压力，不开心时，就没时间心情兼顾生命中很重要的东西。我的生活开始失衡了。没有去关心身边的家人朋友。朋友寄来的短讯没回复，没有正念地做每样事, 早上短短的自修也荒废了。

Bila kita tak bersyukur, kita akan sentiasa mengeluh. 我也开始忘记感恩，感恩自己还有一份能养家糊口的工作，能让我学习到很多知识经验的环境。没有惜福，宽容不见了。

收到法侣的短讯，说我毕业到现在两个月，是时候把生活安顿下来。很谢谢法侣们的提醒。原来我还不是真正能自己精进，容易被环境影响。所以，我需要你们。

考完试，能轻松一点了。要尽快恢复均衡的生活。生活中除了责任，还有很多应该关心的事。等自己终于能抽出时间了，他们未必能等。

反思自己是不是hypocrite的人：讲一套做一套，众人面前和四处无人所作的东西是否一样。做的每一件事，讲的每一句话是为了应酬还是发自内心？做回自己吧，比较自在。

My working life...

Finally start working at Malacca General Hospital as Provisional Registered Pharmacist... Actually i'll only spend a year at mlk, then 3 years of compulsary service in Alor Gajah Hospital..
First 2 weeks of work till now.. i was being assigned to In-patient ward supply.. Besides screening prescriptions and medication profile and do the medication filling jobs, i also have to fulfil the requirement for 3 counsellings per day.. So I'll go to the wards and see the patients sometimes for counselling of using the medications correctly... Quite fun to communicate with patients. Some are quite scare to use the insulin pen for injection and i'll get help from staff nurses to persuade them. Some are really co-operative and show good response.

So far so good, but not careful enough... done some small mistakes... forgotten something... Have to watch out coz my training period will be extend if i done any medication error... so, have to be at utmost responsible for every speech and action.

Really learned alot from my fellow collegues, experiences really worthy..

Hope i can pass the forensic exam next next week... Gambatte to all my fellow collegues and coursemates!!

怀才不遇

某个自认有才华的年轻人，一直无法受上司重用，因此心情沮丧。他去请教牧师，为何上帝对他如此不公。

牧师带他到户外散步，经过一堆石头时，牧师随手捡起一块小石子，又扔了回去，问年轻人：“你能找到刚扔出去的小石子吗？”

“不能，”年轻人摇摇头。

牧师取下手上的金戒指，扔到石堆中，又问：“你能找到我的戒指吗？”

“能，”年轻人一下子就找到了。

年轻人低头想了一下，兴奋地回答：“我明白了。”

当我们自认怀才不遇时，先不要责怪别人不识货，要反问自己有没有实力。学习以谦卑的心，海绵般的吸收力，丰富自己的内涵，不但能超越自己，还能游刃有余。

文/魏娣香 星洲活力副刊星云版

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

我要以谦卑的心，向每个我遇到的人学习他们的经验，丰富自己的内涵，to be a better person。每一天的学习，每一天的成长。快乐，是因为活在学习当中。

最近认识了很多来自各行各业的朋友，通过谈话了解，深深体会懂得过生活、有智慧的人不一定是高学历的人，因为高学历的人往往会认为自己已经不需要再学习了。当我们认为自己已经无懈可击了，往往是继续学习提升自己的阻碍。

中秋节快乐！

今年的中秋节终于可以在家乡过了。和妈妈弟弟妹妹到好几年都没去的六乡团中秋庆典凑热闹。回到昔日熟悉的母校－淡边中华公学，墙上的壁画依旧鲜艳。还记得以前每个人手上拿着蜡烛，一起参加意义深重的传灯仪式：“每一条河是一则神话，从遥远的青山流向大海...”冉冉唱起时，从黑暗到明亮；少有的中华情操感染在场的每一个人，也感染了我。

今年错过传灯仪式，就欣赏小朋友们用心的表演。不知不觉，思路回到十几年前在中华念小学的点点滴滴。舞台：第一次上台演讲忘词；牙诊室：mixi检查牙齿时用力地按；课室：朗朗的读书声似乎在耳边响起，级任老师的脸孔也映在眼前，吃了不少的藤条......一幕幕走过。想当年，我也像台上的小朋友一样小小只，转眼间，我是现在的我了。

灯笼很美，月亮很圆。

回忆很远。

面包女王

以前在理大善友之家，因为每天风雨不改买面包而得到这个称号。
现在面包很贵咧！舍不得爸爸每天一掷千金买面包，（他也很爱面包）

所以，自己做！好有满足感。

改天做给大家吃。

值得我学习的人

刚过的马大毕业礼，遇到其中一位佛学会的朋友。他刚理了头发。我一看到他就说：“你的头发很奇怪ei，干嘛剪那么短。”他笑笑，没有生气。如果是我，一定会有点难过，但把话吐出去之前就没有想到会伤害到别人。

前两年的全营，其中一位组员在捐血回来后手臂七八个洞。“为什么不complaint？是我就不捐了。”“给人家机会学习嘛！”

付出很多心力处理了很多事，都没让别人知道。默默为大众耕耘的人们。

生命的脚步

青翠的枝头，生命的脚步就这样走来，从春光走到风雪，从青春走到衰老，从有限走到无限。

触动我们的是什么？是一条无形的线，带着我们去爱，去认识生命的壮奇，去领略一季的阳光，最终也让我们明白，一路来的生命变化。

就像我看寂静的山林里，修行者跟着他们的老师，鱼贯地走过小花、走过溪流、走过岁月、走过生命的迷悟。

生命若是一本书，谁能伸出手为我翻开第一页？

如果有一种钟声，当敲响时大地就醒来，生命就醒来，人生就完美了。试问谁愿意站在风高的夜里，挥动沉重的钟槌，敲开泼墨的天际，将晨曦如匕首刺进梦里？

及至敲响时，那遍地的嫣红，可有迹可寻吗？我们的生命就是如此吗？我们的歌声就是如此吗？忘了那前一季发生的事，忘了那前一季掠过的风景，模糊了灰色的悲伤。

请原谅我的茫然，此刻的我脚步要迈向哪一方，我不由得好好想想！


摘自《普门》，林涧水撰文

～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～

很优美的文字，不禁抄下来与大家分享。

不知道引领着我走向的路是否平坦。但我有了阳光的指引，无论路多么崎岖，我也可以走过来的，一步一步，欣赏沿途点滴，丰富人生景点。路被堵着了，再想办法。若在路上遇到我，要彼此问候哦！

两星期的事...

在家了。从槟城回来后就感冒。现在鼻子还是塞着。

毕业了咯。很顺利。典礼结束陆续出场时，就想：会不会有很多人来送我？场面一定很热闹。看到坐在上层的妈妈大力向我挥手，很窝心，很开心父母有来参加我的毕业典礼。大学的朋友四年来彼此打交道，而我的爸妈，这是他们第一次参与我四年来的大学生活，所以，对我来说很有意义。

接下来就是拍照、拍照、拍照，生怕以后少机会见了吧。被几个壮男抛，第一次腾空飞起，感觉不错。有点遗憾是没陪到家人吃饭，对不起。接下来几天就忙着去送人、去绿油油的校园拍照，在几个值得怀念的地方留下'倩影'。呵。

参加善友之家和佛学会的convo night，都有幸从师父手与口中接获祝福与开示，很感恩。唯悟师父、真如师父、觉竞师父、开舍师父，您的叮咛我会放在心上的。尽快安顿自己，要持续以佛法滋润生命。一起毕业的朋友们，祝福你们好好过生活。

星期天去檀香寺的孝亲法会，诵到忏悔文：'往昔所造诸恶业，皆由无始贪嗔痴'，很惭愧，最近说了好些令我后悔的话，都是没有经过考虑就弹出来的话，只盼当时听到的人不会放在心上。痴心很重，不去弄清楚事情发生的因缘，也没考虑行动的后果，在还没弄清楚、还不确定之前，以我认为的这样去下定论。越大，越要对所说的话负责。

晚上和一位朋友聊，提醒我要针对弱点突破自己。我的弱点是不太敢在大众前把自己想传达的讯息表达出来，对自己没信心，无法很明确地把自己想的化为文字，有效地传达给大众。 每一次都希望由能表达得更好的人把讯息带给别人，而没勇于争取机会训练自己，每一次都躲在安全区得过且过。继续呆下去，我不会成长，也会形成对他人的依赖。开始我以为只要多充实自己，若有更多感同深受的经验会加强信心，但原来这是不够的，我也需掌握说话时头脑的组织力与分析力，每次想不出要怎样讲时，在短时间内尽量想，不要就这样放弃。抓紧每个机会学习表达自己的想法。想要有善巧说，成为一个弘法人员是要付出努力的。我要加油！

星期一和几个朋友去唱K后看了两场戏。Journey to the centre of the earth是我小时候看的一本书，故事拍得很紧凑，不错。尤其女主角天不怕地不怕的冒险精神，很干脆、很帅，让我这个婆妈的人很佩服她。接下来一个人看Dark Knight，已故小丑的表现果然没让人失望，只是看到Batman被他玩弄于手掌心好像很无力。担心有人看了有样学样扮小丑可不是好玩的。船上人们的良知与对死亡的恐惧天人交战，最终良心战胜私心，不禁为他们鼓掌。如果有正见的引导，我想他们也不需心里拉据那么久吧！

不知不觉这篇东西也打了整小时。政府的posting letter估计九月才到，这期间就乖乖读书，得空就去上上课。虽然人事物不能尽如人意，但还是希望我与马六甲的缘分深一些，让我为家乡的人们贡献一点力量吧！

BEYOND 25th Anniversary

中学时期第一个哈的明星/乐队就是BEYOND。一首《海阔天空》吸引了我，在我婆妈的个性注入一点潇洒。以前没什么钱买不起CD，就收集卡带。（想听一首歌要打带打很久。〕多数朋友喜欢四个人的BEYOND，而我觉得自家驹离世后，三子抱着坚持原创的理念，下来的作品都不错。那时候就积极收集一切关于BEYOND的资讯，看到有附送BEYOND海报的偶像杂志就买。好友们也会帮忙剪报，然后一切排好好放进clear folder，三不五时拿出来欣赏。

这个年代当然已经过去。偶尔听到BEYOND的歌会轻轻勾起昔日的回忆：默默陪我走过青涩中学时代，给我鼓励激荡的好歌。

收到妮给我的『BEYOND 25th Anniversary』，有一种久违了的感动。哈。还记得人生中第一个买的专辑是『BEYOND光辉岁月十五年』，不知不觉就过了十年。十年来，BEYOND三子、BEYOND fans、我，各自经历了不少事吧。

只想靠两手，向理想挥手。

讲道理？

前几天收到理大佛学会寄来的convo night邀请卡，打开以前在佛学会沉浸的记忆。说真的很惭愧，从佛学会获益良多，但没有为她付出些什么。

参加佛学会、学佛是我一生中做过最对的决定。常说在大专学佛是最幸福的，师父的引导、学长的提醒、同行善友的鼓励都不缺。毕业后，若没自己用心发心，也没人能管得着了。

看着邀请卡上熟悉的字眼：为了佛法、为了众生，在我心中猛然一敲：我，现在的生活中，好像没有与法相应了。昨天才与妈妈有些不愉快。还记得当时选择回家乡工作的原因是想多陪家人，可以的话把佛法带回家。常说若要接引家人学佛，首先要让家人体会到自己的成长。佛法究竟好在哪里，在我们身上可以感觉到。现在的我有做到吗？

糟糕，赶快把心静下来。“事实上，所有我们期待的，都是头脑一厢情愿制造出来的，本来就和现实的无常与变幻无法一致，但是我们总会执着要现实符合我们头脑的需求，如果不符合，我们就解释为不如意或不顺，而忽略了因果业力和无常的法则，痛苦及烦恼就因此生起。”《你和佛陀之间，只隔着一条线》

回想起与妈妈的小小纠纷，当时觉得妈妈蛮不讲理，动不动就骂人。过后自己也不认输，提高声量，就是要讲到我没错才行。当时的心态是要讲服人，以致理直气壮，咄咄逼人。过后才开始有些后悔，想道歉但不想让妈妈觉得她一点错也没有。每一次就是这样恶性循环。

如果当时能保持明觉的心，就能体会到妈妈这样的处事方式是有因有缘的，我不能一味要求她改变。当时她起嗔心也是有因缘的，我自己选择以嗔心应对，是我本身修养不够。其实还有很多更好的处理方式，只是当时的心来不及觉照嗔心已起，就让一贯的习性都跑出来撒野。道理都懂，也很会讲，但就是那么后知后觉，自己不够用心，可想而知。

本来认为自己与佛法渐行渐远，很惭愧，但懂得反省，还有救吧。赶紧忆念三宝：要学习佛陀的智慧与慈悲，要在生活中与法相应，要感恩帮助我提升的善知识。也不一定得先知先觉，但求正知正觉。对生我养我的妈妈，是不必讲什么道理的。道理，也不是说说就罢。

一些东西

做给朋友的结婚礼物。沙滩风味~

答应要送人的书签。

收拾。有感。

今天可以洗头了。洗头前把家里稍微大扫除一番。干干净净。还记得以前在家抹地有很多地方可抹，现在多数地方都被东西、橱、杂物住了，所以很快就拖完地。想整理却不知如何下手，因为实在很乱。妈妈不舍得丢东西。不用的东西放橱里，常用的东西放外面。看到那么多东西时心里嘴里会嘀咕几句。家里最主要是住得舒服嘛。可是妈妈说那样很舒服，反而我把她的东西‘藏’起来找不到更烦恼。

前几天在星洲副刊看到一篇东西，大意是当你看到家里开始乱了，煮的菜开始软软的，父母开始不喜欢出门了... 是时候轮到我们给他们全心全意的照顾，就好像在襁褓中所得到的照顾一样。半年前回家时看到妈妈中午放学后打包回来。妈妈说她没力每天煮午餐了，因为回到家就很累。当时感觉看起来还很年轻的妈妈原来也开始老了，心中有一下下沧桑的感觉。

其实我不算是很听话的孩子，因为当我觉得他们讲话没道理时还是会反驳的。可能不是他们讲话没道理，而是“我觉得”他们讲话没道理。妈妈讲话比较大声，有时跟她说话会不自觉大声少少。呆在家有父母作伴时，就觉得是理所当然的。在外头打电话回家就肉麻得紧。

无论如何，在我心目中，你们是最重要的。有时说话伤害了你们，对不起。

对家人，别以为不必客气。人的心，玻璃心。每一段感情，都需要小心呵护。

无题

我现在正顶着油油的头，想写写东西。开始注意到近来在部落格都是交待我的去向，除了把到过的地方，做过的事记下来，或许也要想想每一天是怎么过的，在想些什么事，心情是怎么样的吧。

这次回来应该有两个星期呆在家。在家也没做些什么，就找事来做。看看报纸，看看电视，迟迟东西，读读书。还不至于闷得发慌，但长久下去也会受不了吧，无所事事，不事生产的日子。在家的生活规划就搞乱了，想做些有益的事都提不起劲来。躺在沙发上吹冷气，管你累不累，一下子就睡着。真是轻松愉快。迟点拿到信也颓废不了多久吧。

其实看电视也有很多启发性的。看HOUSE到一半，发现很多病名和药名不懂，就生起惭愧心，马上把一堆书搬出来精进。看神机妙算刘伯温又可以学福建话，改天遇到老人家就方便沟通了。看女人我最大又可以学到做女人应有的知识，如何选到适脚的高跟鞋等，不错嘛。最近越来越觉得看连续剧没啥意思，花时间看一班真人做假戏，真真假假，爱恨情仇，你厮我杀，何苦来哉。

还没有练习开车，为此对自己信心不足。我想自己真的是比较手脚不灵活，想当年学游泳也浸了好久。I have problem of taking instructions, brain and limbs coordination. 说出去都会遭人白眼。(我也不想这么不争气的...) 当爸爸叫到要我驾车时，内心会浮现一股恐惧感。哈，还记得有一次我开车载小妹，结果她吓到回家哭。阴影这种东西不懂是不是一个藉口。之前不敢在大众前讲话也怪四年级时演讲到一半忘稿半路走下台。

在热浪岛的第一夜大家关在四号房里聚谈，每个人要回答三个问题。第二个问题我很潇洒地说目前很享受单身生活。单身生活是很不错，可是如果遇到对的人，谈谈恋爱应该也不错吧。通常在家没交际应酬没朋友好找没人关心的时候就会想到这些，或是收到某某结婚成双成对新年姨妈姑姐猛问的时候也会想一下。呵。其实心底下不喜欢心情会受人掌控，不自在的感觉。可以主宰自己的心情生活是很棒的。但若心情不会因他起伏，那还是恋爱吗？所以，随缘吧。既来之则安之，既不来也安之。开心就好。

明天可以洗头了，太好了！

Kelantan. Redang.

To equip myself better and to get use to hospital pharmacy practice, i went to Kelantan HUSM with coursemates (Sheh Ki, Yin Ying, Xin Yun, Kok Eng, Chee Hau), with the hope to learn more as HUSM is a teaching hospital. Before going there, i already receive info that the motel room we'll be living is pityfully small, and small keong there are very healthy and macho. 10 hours of bus, started a series of clerkships: Therapeutic Drug Monitoring Unit, Pharmacy Satellite Unit, Drug Information Unit, Outpatient Pharmacy Unit, Aseptic Dispensing Unit (included Total Parenteral Nutrition, Intravenous Admixture and Cytotoxic Drug Reconstitution). No clinical ward pharmacist as there are too few pharmacists in HUSM, except in ICU.

Orang Kelantan is indeed kind and friendly, and speaks a unique bahasa kelantan (different pronunciation from conventional BM e.g. make for makan, pahem for faham etc.) Relax. Slow tempo, maybe not so crowded as general hospital. Not much entertainment and going places at Kota Bharu, no karaoke, no clubbing, no cinema (except one that seperates male and female audience with family in between). We went to Wat Photivihan which has the largest sleeping buddha statue in South East Asia and Pantai Cahaya Bulan.

I ended my clerkship earlier and head off to Redang, with PPB friends... 17 of us. All of them, except me already start working as they graduated a year ago. I won't forget the room no.4 chat, long table dinner, snorkeling together, SSing in cafe... Though we do not join each other's life so often, but there are no gap between us, still have the same goal in life... seeing u guys, spending memories together, is worthy.. The island, only a word to describe, wonderful... 美到...漂亮到...可爱到... the postcards became real breathtaking scene... Took a flight back to KL... Can hardly imagine we are flying at 800 km/j while the plane seems static in the sky... 7 hours of bus ride=45 min of air flight... This is the first time for 6 of us, and we nearly lost in KLIA. (乡下佬出城记)

Today is the second day i reach home, juz finish straightening my hair the fourth time... looks like 埃及妖后abit.. ha...

Four everyone's information, 14 Aug evening is my convo... if u happen to pass by USM dat time, pay me a visit ya... To all my coursemates and friends, in USM and otherU... HAPPY CONVOCATION!! ^_^

Alokarama, Light of Wisdom

Just back from 5 days of Alokarama Youth Camp. First time going to Alokarama Retreat Center at Asahan. We are guided by Venerable Mahinda and Sister Sumaggala, and Mr and Mrs Lim, as our parents in this camp, cook meals for us... Sadhu to them... (Sadhu=excellence)


Every morning we will do chanting at the shrine hall and meditate at stupa (pagoda that houses Buddha's relics, 舍利塔). The stupa is situated on top of a mount, with spiral-like walking path all the way to the top. In the dark we walk all the way up, with concentration on the steps we are taking. After a short meditation, sun ray approaches us when we lift up our eyelids. Breathtaking scene catch my eyes and peace my minds..

We are given many talks and exposure to the natural way of living. We learned various kinds of herbs and its usage there, and try to harvest some of them for a meal. We prepared ulam rice, but i can't have it nicely with my face turn red and tears running out.. hav to practise more in accepting spicy food coz though i can't tolerate it, i LOVE it.

In one of the talk "In time of challenge, are you really prepared? Be ALERT", given by Aloka Emergency Readiness Team (ALERT), we learned to keep an eye on the possibilities of facing natural disasters such as flood and tsunami in coming years and be prepared in physical fitness, psychological and spiritually. Although Malaysia is quite a safe zone for natural disaster, but as the result of global warming and change of earth plate patterns from earthquakes, we can see places other than flood zone being flooded, feel the shakes and tremors from neighbouring countries etc. I don't know much about the details, but this talk taught me to be prepare while we are in comfort (Hope for the best, Do what you can, Prepare for the worse). We are advised to prepare a emergency bag with food, drinks and surviving kits which can sustain our live in case of awaiting rescuing. We also have to be prepare for case of fire emergencies at home. After that we are separated in few groups to make our water filter by using natural material, but all groups failed to turn a dirty soil water to crystal clear water. Inform me if u are interested in knowing what to be included in a emergency bag etc.

From the talks given by Bhante, the most i learned is to not just learn the dhamma, but to practice it diligently, to be mindful in my bodily actions, speech and thought. This is the first time i go to Alokarama, and i'm looking forward the subsequent visit... For my kalyana mitras who wish to visit places that Buddha being born, gain enlightenment, giving the first discourse (4 Noble Truths) and ceased (maha-parinibbana), Aloka Foundation is organising trips to these holy places in this few years, around 2 weeks, in Nov.

Aloka's website: http://www.alokafoundation.org/

你和佛陀之间只隔着一条线

这是在《星洲日报》介绍过的一本书，前几天在大众书局看到。

最主要告诉我们的是，学佛不是什么都不要，而是在拥有的时候，以平常心看待。“只要我们懂得不执著的去感谢一切，所有的过程和体验都是美好的。为何我们要去执著或强求这种甜蜜和感动，要永远不变地重复出现？”作者是想厘清许多学佛者的盲点，不只是拘于形式教条，而是以更明觉的心，全然接受生活中的每一个当下。

值得一读。

And Now...

Thanx to xiao zhang, i hav another dhamma camp to join next week, at Alokalama Retreat Centre, situated near Tangkak. (though it is inside Tampin district, my hometown!!)... Can hardly miss the camp coz it may be the place i will always drop in after start working at malacca. The search for places to continue learning dhamma and get along with Kalyana Mitra (spiritual friends).. Miss them all ever since i left penang... The decision is quite hard, coz i have to give up the first week of practical at HUSM, no pain, no gain.

3 days ago I made a decision to do something that will help me to gain more flexibility in life later, so I can join whatever camps or programs I want to.. To ensure that I never stray away from the right path in life... Thanx to my 4 years uni life that nurtures, equips and cultivates me to understand myself better and become more contented in life... Ha... not wasting the four precious years... coz sometimes feel that I'm really.. OLD already... marching to 24. Am I still the same like past?? Maybe have to be more responsible in life, ain't a student to make stupid decisions and mistakes anymore. To be responsible to myself, my parents, my younger siblings, my beloved friends, my future counterparts and patients.

At home... really really enjoy... sweet sweet time... Please, please, please, allow me to stay near to my hometown... please...

花

他在为工作埋头忙碌过冬季后，终于获得了两个礼拜的假期。他老早计划好要利用这个机会到一个风景佳丽的观光胜地去，泡泡音乐厅、交些朋友、喝些好酒，随心所欲地休息一番。

临行前一天下班回家，他十分兴奋地整理行装，把大小箱子放进轿车的车厢里。第二天早上出发前，他拨个电话给母亲，告诉她去度假的主意。她说：“你会不会顺路经过我这里，我想看看你，和你聊聊天，我们很久没有团聚了。”

“妈，我也想去看你，可是我有点赶，与人约好见面的时间。”他说。
“那就算了。你好好地去玩吧，我会惦记着你。”

当他开车正要上高速公路时突然想起今天是母亲的生日。于是他绕回一段路停在一间花店门前，打算买些鲜花。

店里有个小男孩正买好一把玫瑰，在付账时，小男孩面有愁容，因为他发现所带的钱不够，少了十块钱。

他问小男孩：“这些花是作什么用的？”
小男孩说：“送给我妈妈，今天是她的生日。”

他拿出十元钞票为小男孩凑足了花钱。小男孩很快乐地说：“谢谢你，先生。”
他说：“没关系，今天也是我母亲的生日。”

他选好一打玫瑰、半打康乃馨和半打黄菊花；付了钱，写下他母亲的地址，然后发动车，继续上路。

仅仅开出一小段路，转过一个小山坡时，他看见刚才那个小男孩，跪在一个小墓碑前，把玫瑰花摊在碑上。小男孩也看见他，挥手说：“先生，我妈妈喜欢我给她的花。谢谢你，先生。”

他开回花店，找回老板，问道：“刚才那两打花是不是已经送走了？”
老板摇头说：“还没有。”
“不用麻烦你了，”他说：“我自己去送。”


亲情是我们在世上感受到的第一份爱。
如果可以，我希望亲情能够陪伴我一生一世，
可是。。。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

以前有订阅《少年》两年。
最近把它们翻出来看，重温很多，曾经令我感动的文字。
坚持要回家乡工作，希望可以多呆在家人身旁。
曾几何时，想过如果父母离开我了，我真的会很伤心。
趁现在，珍惜。好好珍惜。


父亲节快乐。

笑话

阿妹的实验报告如下：
实验目的：证明蜘蛛用腿听声音。
实验材料：小刀一把、蜘蛛一只、桌一张。
实验过程：
1. 将蜘蛛放在桌上，冲它大吼一声“爬！”
现象：蜘蛛开始爬动。
2. 用小刀将蜘蛛腿全部去掉，冲它大吼一声“爬！”
现象：蜘蛛一动不动。
实验结论：蜘蛛用腿听声音。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
这是我近期看到最残忍的笑话。

My plan

Just back from 4 buddhist camps, contented. Will rest at home for 3 weeks, then go to kelantan HUSM for practical for a month, then go redang with previous PPB friends, then fly back to kl (my first time!)... then wait for convo and posting... then start working as PRP (Provisional Registered Pharmacist)...


Now at home, plan to do revision before start working... to refresh the memories, without going to work with nothing in mind... Also plan to brush up my driving skill... and look for places with dhamma class and activities... to ensure i still walk on this path...

Recieved my result, ha... +0.5... can graduate for sure...

During last camp, approached many seniors for consultation, to get use to the coming working world... There will be many challenges and problems coming forward, so have to learn to be patient, and be a sponge to grap as much as i can. Have to learn to receive critics nicely, to learn from anyone experienced than me... Gambatte!!

告别'试'

闷热的下午，四号风扇只是把热空气推到我身上，让我感觉到有风，而已。
才从十五分钟的午觉醒过来，不想回到《Pharmacotherapy》上，所以眼睁睁地看着天花板发两分钟的呆。
（这时Housemate小胖拿了偷拍我刚才睡“大字型”的照片给我看。删除无效。）

再过两天就是我大学最后一张考试。转眼间，在当了十七年的学生后，我就要告别“只要把书读好”的日子了。接下来就是身份转移的过渡期。

当学生是很轻松的，不需背负任何责任，只要把学生的本分做好，可以在学习的前提下尽量犯错，尽量被提醒，尽量享受无忧无虑，自由自在的日子。当学生是很快乐的，除了让人寝食难安的考试，其余日子都是很很很快乐的。我即将告别这快乐的日子，去承担更重大的责任了。换句话说，我即将告别只是接受恩惠的日子，去给予别人服务了。

（在此要感谢两位当小学教师的父母，从小学就给我打好基础，让我在过后的学习都得心应手，且除了专心学习以外不必烦恼任何事。有时在想，我的责任只是把书读好，如果连这么小事都做不到那就很惭愧了。幸亏一直以来我都没让他们失望，哈。）

这次的考试读得很开心，因为主要不是为了准备考试，而是为将来的工作准备。懂多一些，就能让工作顺利一些，帮助病人多一些。以前考试都是很期待考完试当天可以去Happy Hour，这次呆在家读书也蛮享受的。（不过也安排了考完试的节目。）反正我准备在做工前要“重温旧识”，适逢考试能鞭策我更专心读，何乐不为。
要去做工了，爸妈应该蛮开心吧。离乡背井，家人已经习惯我的不存在，感觉上我离开家很久了。回家时会与他们有“代沟”，因为很久没update近况。所以每次回去都会猛问“最近家里有发生什么事吗？”“你很希望家里有事吗？”哈。

回去计划买一辆车，要学会自己驾车去上班，要学会不要一直死火，要赚钱养家。哈哈，蛮期待的，因为还没有体验到做工的辛苦。可是再辛苦，再被上司骂也要工作，所以，乐观点，神经大条点比较好。
加油！工作的朋友，我要加入你们的行列了！

I ♥ Penang Life

I'll miss here badly.
3 weeks to come and i'll leave here.
4 years of wonderful memories...

Miss the place: The 2 dollar shop i always treat myself in, mushroom rice at pekaka, yam rice at bali bali, pharmacy school, DKX and DKY, PPB cubicel, DKU where LG held, BT where DSG is going on, Library PHSI with clean toilet, the roundabout, the beautiful trees and sights, the USM museum, the bustop where i spent much time on, Subaidah and its roti pisang + tosei... further places: Pantai Kerachut, KekLokSi, Bkt Bendera, Komtar, Gurney Hotel (Pharmnite), Bt Feringgi, ThanHsiangSi, Explanet...

Miss the people: All my coursemates, esp those close to me and sit beside me during kuliah, those in my clerkship group where we had much fun and interesting learning, those accompanying me to school. All my housemates in Kalyana Mitra Home and ex-housemates at U Height 97-14-2 and Saujana 6-25. All my friends in PPB, juniors and seniors, esp FW5 and FW7 members... All my friends in Tzu Ching... All my friends i know and met before...

Miss the sound, the view, the life...

So lucky i am to spend part of my life here.


DK: Dewan Kuliah
LG: Lumbini Garden
BT: Bilik Tutorial
DSG: Dhamma Sharing Group
PHSI: Perpustakaan Hamzah Sendut I
USM: Universiti Sains Malaysia... Ha
PPB: Persatuan Pelajar Buddhist
FW: Facilitator Workshop

The Beauty of Journals

From long time before i was exposed to the importance of reading up journals to complete our assignments and build up knowledge, but i always ignore it. Who has the free time to read something so dull and those incomprehendible study design? God has.

Till i pay library a visit today. Since this may be the last time, i linger there for a whole day. Went to "Majalah Kini" session, checking up journals. First, Journal of Photography, cool... interesting pictures and articles... Then try to look for those related to my future career... well, not so interested in those purely black n white... glance through...picked up "American Journal of Health-System Pharmacy", flipped a few pages. Some articles pertaining role of pharmacist and ways to perform clinical interventions caught my eye. I like those stuffs... clarify my future direction and ways to perform better as a pharmacist, optimize our contribution to the healthcare system.

This is the first time i get interested in journals. I miss all the previous issues. Now is the time to leave pharmacy school, and is the time to know more about future prospect. Remember previous 4 years of studying, studying and studying just to pass the exams with...not flying, but at least not crawling colours... Study hard for those possible appearing in exam... others... wait till i have the time... Now i will like to study to serve my future patients better.

Next week is the exam week... the last exam in my life (if not mistaken)...

Gambatte to myself and everyone, esp all my coursemates (for 4 years long)!! \(^o^)/

Long time no see...

Just back from a gathering of previous faci workshop members.. enjoyed...

I'm gonna really miss them when i leave penang, soon.
Planning for redang trip at july, hope it will come true.
Everyone seems maintaining the same way of speaking, laughing... still很有亲切感。
And when PPB needs support, everyone giv a helping hand without hesistating much.
That's the spirit of PPB alumni...
Talk much nonsense, but fun, brings everyone together.
Miss you all and i'm looking forward for the next!

我的空间

最近在My Space开始用英文写东西。用英文的好处是，不用费心去推敲词句，就用26个字母组成我现在的想法，比较freestyle。华文对我是个很直接且熟悉的语文，在打字较慢的情况下酌量字词的适合度，让文句工整优美些。

无论如何，还是有一些心里的话比较能用母语表达。

You Raise Me Up

Lyric: Grah Am, Brend An Composer: Lovland, Rolf

When I am down and all my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still await here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

~~~~~~
This song, reminds me…
When you facing difficulties and unhappiness,
How do you get through it? Who do you think of?
From an innocent don’t-know-all to more matured thinking,
Many people and things around contributed to this.
Thank you all. I will keep growing.

Consider a free week...

Yesterday finished the interview by SPA and KKM, signaling the first step into the working world in government hospital. The interview session is not scary or heart-pumping as i thought, i didn't get nervous in the whole process, except when knowing that other counterparts prepared it for a few days while i have only a few hours left to go. Luckily my poor preparation do not affect the performance much. As a reminder from a friend, we are not to take granted that we'll sure pass the interview easily, but to know better about our future job environment and policies.


I lost the important key in my life, the one hanging on my necklace since 21th yrs old, given by my beloved family members, before attending my grandma's funeral. Despite its value of platinum, the key means a lot to me. It symbolized my family that will always be with me whenever i go, whatever i do. Now i'll have them in heart.

Goodbye

On the way back from a gathering at midnite, i received the news that grandma passed away, despite the latest news that her condition was stabilized. Had prepare for the worse but don't know that it was so fast. After the call don't feel terribly upset as i expected (felt abit rare too).


Finally burst out tears on the bus brought me from penang to home the next day, after listening to Jay 青花瓷~炊烟袅袅升起 隔江千万里...I'm quite closed to my grandma, seeing her every week when i was in hometown. Although not fully understand what she talks, i can feel that she is very happy to see us.

Seeing her in the coffin. Apparently losing weight and size after a series of surgeries. She must be suffered before going.

I don't feel very sad actually, juz regretted that she didn't enjoy much when alive. Didn't have the chance to go travelling coz walking difficulty. One of my aunt cried and regretted that her plan to celebrate grandma's birthday never come true. Many family members and relatives came to pay salute in the funeral, and the ceremony is quite grand, everyone was here. It will be more meaningful if everyone gathers here like now when she is still alive, actually. All sorts of car, cash, condominium, maid, radio burned for her is not needed if she is not reborn as ghost. The long and complicated ceremony done is more for comforting the remaining, to make us feel better.

I still have many things to tell grandma, many things to share with her. But hope i've tried my best to sayang her before this. Hope that she gets to a well place, reborn in a good family, be happy.

Appreciate those beside you, esp family, when they are still beside you.

U'll be ok.

Today feels abit complicated.


My 88 yo grandma went in surgery ward to remove the fecal covering underlying tumor that cause unresolved stomach bloating. Cancer, and she is 88. Success rate 50/50. My parents are in mlk hospital right now. Think of goin back to see her, but my dad discouraged me. "What can u contribute if u r here?" In fact, they will be quite worry each time i travel between penang and home. I don't know that, thought i have nothing to make them worry about, since i can take quite good care of myself. Suddenly feel that i must really make sure nothing bad happens to me, as they will be really sad n depressed. I'll try my best.

While at home i back to grandma's place once a week, with my parents. Each time we will not stay very long. I can't really have effective conversation with her coz i'm not good at speaking her dialect. And she can't really listen clearly to us. Actually if can i really wanna know what she is thinking, how does she feel...

So now abit regret that i didn't spend much time to know her better.. do something to make her happy..

Hope that she will not suffer much pain now, feel better.

And to everyone, esp my family n friends, TAKE GOOD CARE, please.

Living and Studying...

Seldom have free free time for myself, tend to fill in the gaps completely... esp when rushing... abandoned many good habits i tried to nurture since last sem: a brief sitting (just sitting n relax, without doing or thinking other things, a short meditation) after waking, then hav a few pages of book to fill in my mind, while havin a sip of hot drink in the meantime. i like to advice others to sleep early, wake up early, healthy habit bla bla bla... but nowadays i tend to sleep late, can't wake up early the next day as planned. A bit running out of my ideal life. Nothing put me into that, i let myself to be like this... so, blame no one and try do something. Do u wan yo life to carry on like this?

Apart from that, my life is still organized, contented juz as before. My wonderful university life is about to reach an end. Next Monday will be my last kuliah in school... After that, no more. I'm not going to be happy about this. Since young we hate school, class, homeworks, but now felt that being spoonfeed by somebody else is a privilege. Soon some ppl'll goin to knock on my head or make my easy life become uneasy... esp with my underqualified qualification. I'M GONNA WORK HARD ON THIS!

From my primary, secondary, tertiary school up to 3rd yr in university i study for the sake of studying. Since when, i started to study for my future profession. The more i know, the better i serve the patients, the more i can contribute. So, now i actually enjoy study very much. It's a pleasure having time to equip myself more, out of stress, for now.

Oath of a Pharmacist

At this time, I vow to devote my professional life to the service of all humankind through the profession of pharmacy.

I will consider the welfare of humanity and relief of human suffering my primary concerns.
I will apply my knowledge, experience, and skills to the best of my ability to assure optimal drug therapy outcomes for the patients I serve.
I will keep abreast of developments and maintain professional competency in my profession of pharmacy.

I will maintain the highest principles of moral, ethical, and legal conduct.

I will embrace and advocate change in the profession of pharmacy that improves patient care.
I take these vows voluntarily with the full realization of the responsibility with which I am entrusted by the public.

平凡如我

我是一个很很很平凡的人。样貌平凡、身材平凡、家境平凡、性格平凡、生活平凡、一切都很平凡。
身边总会出现一些不平凡的人。报章上更常出现。
读着他人的故事，羡慕他们能发挥与超脱自己。欣赏他们勇于自我挑战。
而我，每天呼吸一样的空气，喝一样的水，只是可能想些不一样的事。

淡淡的，未尝不是一件好事。
只是会期待生活中出现一道 不知源自何处的彩虹。

新年快乐。

You Raise Me Up

Lyric: Grah Am, Brend An Composer: Lovland, Rolf

When I am down and all my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still await here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be



This song, reminds me…
When you facing difficulties and unhappiness,
How do you get through it? Who do you think of?
From an innocent don’t-know-all to more matured thinking,
Many people and things around contributed to this.
Thank you all. I will keep growing.

一朵小花♥

有一次，我们看到杂草里面长出一朵小花，非常可爱。
“很美吧？”
“嗯，可是好小。”
外婆立刻对我说：“在蚂蚁看来，很大呢。”
然后，她表情非常温柔地轻轻抚摸那朵花：
“花店的花都有人施肥，又有人照顾，长得大是自然。这朵花虽然很小，但靠自己的力量努力开出的花，才最美丽。

《佐贺的超级阿嬤》

我是这样的

我是怎样的人？
想法不太会转弯，所以慢几拍。
会先相信朋友的话，会先怀疑陌生人的话。
有时顾虑太多，变成婆妈。
很在意别人的眼光，有时会人前不一。
喜欢关心别人，自己也需要被关心。
是好人的时间比是坏人的时间多。
喜欢让大家发笑，若大家没笑会有点冷。
在不擅长的地方容易信心不足。需要别人的肯定。
看到自己的小进步时会很开心，并能借此肯定自己。
我蛮喜欢，也能接受这样的自己。给我选我要做回我自己。（以前内向时期我想成为其他人〕
我多数时候是快乐的。^_^

你是怎样的人？

最近啊~

好久好久没来这里了，还差点忘了呢。

最近，也是很平淡的心情，很简单地过生活。我的生活是一帆风顺的，不会有什么大风大浪。有时在想，改天若是不顺利了会习惯吗？因为没什么被磨炼过。

到了大四觉得自己越来越想家，也不是想要回家，而是家人，特别是父母，在我心目中原来是那么重要的。有时在坐车时会不自觉想到爸爸就在我身边，默默地，载着我去吃东西。坐下来吃东西也没什么讲话，可是就是那感觉，很好，很幸福。喜欢在爸爸看报纸时注意他的背影，在妈妈睡觉时凝视她的面孔。同样在一个空间里，就会觉得很满足。回到槟城，他们是时时刻刻住在我心中。

之前参与了药剂师宣誓仪式。再多几个月我就是正式的药剂师。以前没有选择医科是不要以后过着很压力的生活，希望可以轻轻松松过下辈子。到头来，成为药剂师好像也没那么轻松。我怕，怕不能表现得很好，怕会害惨病人。自从上个学期成绩大跌后信心大失，知识掌握不够，不能很好地运用。哭也哭过了，只能勉励自己不要忽略自己认为不重要的东西，因为，每一个都是重要的。之前读书方式是选一些自己认为感兴趣的来读，背不起的就轻易放弃。所以虽然也花很多时间在读书，但不能应付考试运用。除了学识，我想，真正想为大众服务的精神是重要的。宣誓内容要我们立志为病人拔苦，把大众的利益放在第一位。我能做到吗？还是只是嘴巴照念？从以前就常对朋友说，读药剂系不是我真正想要的，比较喜欢的是设计等能发挥创意的科系。不过这一刻，突然觉得我选这科是对的，可以为社会尽一点点心力，可以让其他人健康舒服一点，可以让已在苦痛的病人真正享受到用药的疗效，是很有意义的。

最近常有一个比较不同的思维模式，在做每样事情或选择前，问自己为什么要这样做。如果都不知道为什么要做，做来干嘛？譬如：我在赶报告，赶报告的原因只是为了应付教授吗？换一个想学习的心态，感觉就会不同了。这些一直都是很浅显的道理，只是大脑没什么思考的我时常忽略这一点，到头来，尽管是做着有意义的事，但却做得起烦恼。

最近身边的朋友发生很多事，从他们的经历体会到不少，虽然不是亲身经历，但能体会到他们的苦痛，让一切顺利的我也开始思考一些事情。我们不知道是明天先到还是下一世先到，可是还是很随心所欲地挥霍生活。哈。

下星期会去学校的毕业晚会Pharmnite，第一次穿晚装扮美美。期待能拍些美美的照片回来。