抉择--> 决定

经过一星期痛苦的心理拉锯战，终于在今天，三八妇女节这一天，签下了人生其中一个重大的决定：Pension。
意思是说，我会呆在政府医院/诊所直到四十岁那年，然后bersara pilihan，去做自己真正想做的事。
痛苦是因为：我不能确定未来，却硬要为数十年后的动向作决定。
深思熟虑的结果，决定了就不后悔。

Induksi

临时临急被叫去Induksi。
去的当天是柔佛州苏丹驾崩，所以shopping都没开。百无聊籁的我们去DangaBay走走。

Induksi回来，竟然让我有念头想签Pension，因为...

• 我要五点下班后和周末有自己的时间，做自己的事情。
• 我没有想要赚大钱。
• 公务员真的很多福利，很多假期。
• 我觉得在亚罗亚也医院做工蛮开心的。
• 我蛮喜欢hospital setting。

同事们帮我分析了，都一致决定我应该要选pension，然后case close了。
所以咧，就这样先啦。

Room to Improve

My car has a sticker that writes: "Know Your Medicine, Ask Your Pharmacist".
When i saw i just now, felt abit ashamed.

I was dispensing to a patient with lots of medications when a police officer with a violent look rushing for a number (waiting ticket). So i paused and passed over a number to him. A chinese man and his daughter was waiting before the police officer, then the chinese girl uttered to his dad: "I thought we came first".

I heard it and explained softly, "Nevermind his has just a short list." Actually doesn't matter coz the man said they will go off and collect the medications later.

When the chinese man finally came for his meds, I explained to him function of each med and taking instructions, briefly.
"I have 3 anti-hypertensives, why i need it so much?"
"Uncle, although all have same function, but they perform the function differently."
"How different? What does Nifedipine do?"
"It's a Calcium-channel blocker"
"Then what is this Metoprolol?"
"It's a Beta-Blocker"
"How does this two meds reduce my blood pressure?"
"Actually..."

I supposed to tell him, Nifedipine is to dilate the blood vessels, and Metoprolol is to reduce heart rate. But i did not. At the moment i just managed to flash back the pharmacological categories, and unable to explain to him the mechanism of actions in words he know. In the process I was staring at a long line of patients waiting for me to dispense.

From now on i want to be more dedicated in performing my duty as drug information provider. And, hope the nextime i flip back this post, i've already improve alot more...

人身是脆弱的

今天不必去上班，因为我MC。
可是给我选我宁愿去上班。
第一次坐救伤车，第一次坐轮椅，第一次打麻醉针，第一次缝针。
缝针痛苦的不是痛觉，是因为我怕痒。
过程真的很久又很不舒服。我哭了。
然后问医生：For ppl in my age do they cry when doing this?.... yes yes don worry it's common... coz u r not used to it.. c'mon juz relax..
为了分散注意力还讲了很多废话：我每个月都会哭一次啦，这个月到月尾了还没有哭过所以要好好哭一场。
医生应该看我是staff，所以特别优待用cosmetic的缝法，所以3cm缝了十多针。
缝完毕趁bius还没过赶快驾车回淡边。爸爸一直说小儿科啦，不要那么夸张啦。还说你酱一点点小事就酱多声音啦，所以以后车要买大辆一点的。
他之前割到左手自己驾手牙去医院缝，都不用救伤车。
大家要好好照顾自己，不要白白受无妄之灾。哈。

...

Fade up with all the requirements to be fulfill...
Everyday rushing to hit the target...
The requirements serve to motivate us to practice more and gain experiences, but when it became a pressure and burden.. lost it purpose.
I don't like the feeling, when i already done the best to do more, but my effort being doubted.
Actually why i'm so care about other's perception on me? Everytime i acted not smart enough, i'll feel bad.
Not done well in presentation, not being careful enough to ensure everything i say or done is 100% correct.
In the process of gaining experience and know better about the hospital setting,
I'll always remind myself to serve the public better, even with my limited ability and performance.
But i'll be more confident as time pass by... for sure.
So, no need to worry about it. Even if they don't pass me, what to do? I done my best. Is your wish to do whatever on me.
I don't want to do counsellings for the sake of hitting target.
I don't want to purposely choose those discharged patients' case to clerk to reduce my workload. (3 new case per day for clinical, those in-ward patients need to be follow up everyday)
I want to do things for its meaning.
I want to be abit more of myself, coz i'm losing it bit by bit since worked.
BE POSITIVE!

一个月了

工作一个月了。

这一个月，生活中心都摆在工作。因为自己的愚钝，反应动作慢，所以工作时有点压力。都会想要把工作做好，尽好责任。

考试前两天一个讲座提醒了我很多东西。主讲者问很多关于国家的常识我们都不太懂，所以就提醒我们不仅是药剂师，也是马来西亚公民。突然，猛然一击，开始发觉自己面对压力，不开心时，就没时间心情兼顾生命中很重要的东西。我的生活开始失衡了。没有去关心身边的家人朋友。朋友寄来的短讯没回复，没有正念地做每样事, 早上短短的自修也荒废了。

Bila kita tak bersyukur, kita akan sentiasa mengeluh. 我也开始忘记感恩，感恩自己还有一份能养家糊口的工作，能让我学习到很多知识经验的环境。没有惜福，宽容不见了。

收到法侣的短讯，说我毕业到现在两个月，是时候把生活安顿下来。很谢谢法侣们的提醒。原来我还不是真正能自己精进，容易被环境影响。所以，我需要你们。

考完试，能轻松一点了。要尽快恢复均衡的生活。生活中除了责任，还有很多应该关心的事。等自己终于能抽出时间了，他们未必能等。

反思自己是不是hypocrite的人：讲一套做一套，众人面前和四处无人所作的东西是否一样。做的每一件事，讲的每一句话是为了应酬还是发自内心？做回自己吧，比较自在。

My working life...

Finally start working at Malacca General Hospital as Provisional Registered Pharmacist... Actually i'll only spend a year at mlk, then 3 years of compulsary service in Alor Gajah Hospital..
First 2 weeks of work till now.. i was being assigned to In-patient ward supply.. Besides screening prescriptions and medication profile and do the medication filling jobs, i also have to fulfil the requirement for 3 counsellings per day.. So I'll go to the wards and see the patients sometimes for counselling of using the medications correctly... Quite fun to communicate with patients. Some are quite scare to use the insulin pen for injection and i'll get help from staff nurses to persuade them. Some are really co-operative and show good response.

So far so good, but not careful enough... done some small mistakes... forgotten something... Have to watch out coz my training period will be extend if i done any medication error... so, have to be at utmost responsible for every speech and action.

Really learned alot from my fellow collegues, experiences really worthy..

Hope i can pass the forensic exam next next week... Gambatte to all my fellow collegues and coursemates!!

纪念品

今天是做工最后第二天，在店里忙着写report。
同事Aini递来一张书签，令我又惊又喜…
其中一句：“Jaga diri baik2 dan juga Ping Pong”, Ping Pong就是那时候我们一起用span做的娃娃，我把它带回家了。她们为它取名为Ping Pong是因为我叫Pang，然后 Pang Ping Pong。

过后我又得到一个锁匙圈，是一间屋子(Farmasi Sentosa)里面有一只鸭在游泳。那只鸭是有一点代表Aini（她自己讲的），因为我们时常笑她讲话很像鸭子（是真的有点像唐老鸭）。

所谓“礼尚往来”，我肥家就做了三张小卡给Nana, Aini, Anor做纪念。她们是我交过最要好的友族朋友。讲真在那里做工真的很爽一下，很轻松，学到很多东西，马来话有变溜了。Aini和Anor因升学也要走了，改天应该较少聚在一起，不过我们约好谁谁谁结婚就要请大家，呵呵。

天无不散之筵席，彼此是各自人生中的过客。有些只是过路人，有些留下脚印，有些时常徘徊…要走的应当祝福，陪着我们的要珍惜…

记录下今天在店里做的无聊事…

Lunch off时陪Aini去买个铅笔盒，
里面就有一告海绵
回到店就有人提议要做洋娃娃
在大家一笔一划一手一脚下渐渐成形，而且是3-D的
讲真很好玩一下...

没薪水的工…

在Farmasi Sentosa开工几天了，本来以为会很显的，不过来到这里觉得还不错，很爽一下。会选择在马来药剂店做attachment是因为想练好一口破烂的马来话。老板是药剂师，老板娘是医生。老板时常不在店里，都是由三个员工（Nana, Aini, Anor）掌店。她们做久了很上手了，都能解决顾客们的疑难杂症。有时老板娘会来顾店免费看症。

老板娘不在时会较轻松，可高谈阔论、谈笑风生、自由自在。Aini在学讲华语，她的音调很好笑，四音不全。Anor是最新来的，比较blur一点。本来以为这间药剂店老老旧旧的，应该没什么生意，现在才知道是门庭若市，顾客络绎不绝，绝大多数马来人都是光顾这里。老板蛮会做生意，有一次要推销tongkat，他说tongkat除了可以拿来走路，也可以在过马路时拿来挡车，也可以拿来赶狗…多功能。

在这里除了layan顾客，讲废话，装药，打扫，量血压，也学验血糖。验血糖要插手指头取血，我很怕顾客会痛插很小力，结果血不够要拼命挤，很gelojoh。也有碰到比较难搞的顾客，订了药拿不到发脾气，或拼命讨价还价，提醒我改天不要当个难搞的消费者。

今天和Aini去吃tosai，在她影响下用手吃，果然是比较好吃和方便。在店里觉得自己的马来话有进步了，就是会讲比较pasar的话，很多suku-kata被cut掉，如seorang-->sorang, tak payah-->tak yah, pergi-->gi, ambil-->amek等。讲也比较顺了，不会像以前那么一搞搞。

待续…工还没做玩…