Goodbye

On the way back from a gathering at midnite, i received the news that grandma passed away, despite the latest news that her condition was stabilized. Had prepare for the worse but don't know that it was so fast. After the call don't feel terribly upset as i expected (felt abit rare too).


Finally burst out tears on the bus brought me from penang to home the next day, after listening to Jay 青花瓷~炊烟袅袅升起 隔江千万里...I'm quite closed to my grandma, seeing her every week when i was in hometown. Although not fully understand what she talks, i can feel that she is very happy to see us.

Seeing her in the coffin. Apparently losing weight and size after a series of surgeries. She must be suffered before going.

I don't feel very sad actually, juz regretted that she didn't enjoy much when alive. Didn't have the chance to go travelling coz walking difficulty. One of my aunt cried and regretted that her plan to celebrate grandma's birthday never come true. Many family members and relatives came to pay salute in the funeral, and the ceremony is quite grand, everyone was here. It will be more meaningful if everyone gathers here like now when she is still alive, actually. All sorts of car, cash, condominium, maid, radio burned for her is not needed if she is not reborn as ghost. The long and complicated ceremony done is more for comforting the remaining, to make us feel better.

I still have many things to tell grandma, many things to share with her. But hope i've tried my best to sayang her before this. Hope that she gets to a well place, reborn in a good family, be happy.

Appreciate those beside you, esp family, when they are still beside you.