第二次出国

上几个礼拜第一次去新加坡，后天会去台湾 （4~12 Nov）。
最近我的面子书被HACKED了。有人用我的名义留言，说part-time赚钱等的。若没有解决方案的话就要关掉它了。

心被揪起来。

所以说我有时不喜欢看大报，总会看到很多心痛的事。

天灾意外也就算了，贪污枉法也罢。很多事都在因缘具足之下发生了，一切都是那么地突然。上报的升斗小民永远不知道下一刻会被全马人民认识。

一切都是那么地巧合， 刚建的桥原来无法负荷重量、1 Malaysia刚好选定此园办营队、小孩们一窝蜂过桥、河水喘急...

然后，一位小女生，原本是蹦蹦跳跳地，突然掉入冰冷陌生的河水里。她不会游泳，她很怕！她一直挣扎。第二天，她终于离开冰冷的河水了，可是她弯曲着的手臂却永远不能动了。

或许她可以暂时脱离痛苦害怕。可是她的父母，每看到她的小床、她的书包、她显露稚齿的照片，心会揪成一团。

很多事是发生了才早知。

不过讲真的，耗资主办这项活动，原意是要促进国家未来栋梁之间的了解与互动，种下团结之因。让小朋友们可以除了补习之外，体验群居野外生活，是很不错。可是在筹备场地时，就没有考虑过营员的安全性吗？

小妹妹，祝你去到一个很好的地方。若下次来到人间，能长大成人，实现你的理想和抱负。

Room to Improve

My car has a sticker that writes: "Know Your Medicine, Ask Your Pharmacist".
When i saw i just now, felt abit ashamed.

I was dispensing to a patient with lots of medications when a police officer with a violent look rushing for a number (waiting ticket). So i paused and passed over a number to him. A chinese man and his daughter was waiting before the police officer, then the chinese girl uttered to his dad: "I thought we came first".

I heard it and explained softly, "Nevermind his has just a short list." Actually doesn't matter coz the man said they will go off and collect the medications later.

When the chinese man finally came for his meds, I explained to him function of each med and taking instructions, briefly.
"I have 3 anti-hypertensives, why i need it so much?"
"Uncle, although all have same function, but they perform the function differently."
"How different? What does Nifedipine do?"
"It's a Calcium-channel blocker"
"Then what is this Metoprolol?"
"It's a Beta-Blocker"
"How does this two meds reduce my blood pressure?"
"Actually..."

I supposed to tell him, Nifedipine is to dilate the blood vessels, and Metoprolol is to reduce heart rate. But i did not. At the moment i just managed to flash back the pharmacological categories, and unable to explain to him the mechanism of actions in words he know. In the process I was staring at a long line of patients waiting for me to dispense.

From now on i want to be more dedicated in performing my duty as drug information provider. And, hope the nextime i flip back this post, i've already improve alot more...

新环境

最后我是在亚罗亚也医院 (Hospital Alor Gajah, Melaka）上班，是我想去的地方。距离我家廿分钟路程。那儿的人很简单（或者是我把他们看到很简单），适合简单的我。目前是在Out-Patient Department干活，顺便看头看尾。

Biar lambat asalkan selamat, Jangan lambat sangat pulak.

Sempana搬回家，把房间重新摆设，拿掉一张双人床，添了一张书桌，以后我就可以在房间享受皇帝式的私人空间了。嘻，现在在享受着。

今天去烫了头发，因为去台湾可能两三天没洗头，怕变狮子头。

听谣言盛传说药剂师的critical allowance可能要被扣掉了，到时我会很穷，呜~ 不要酱子对我。

一点涟漪

完成了一年的实习，从Provisional Registered Pharmacist
到Fully Registered Pharmacist,
平淡的转捩点，添上许多意想不到的火花。
今年很多人被调到地广人稀的州属（沙、砂、吉、彭）。
从同事口中得悉消息，我也中选沙巴，当时第一个念头：不能上课了！
还好是同事得空没事做开的玩笑。

真的是擦身而过。
我们本来是稳稳在马六甲，却有接近一半被调走，包括两个已婚女同事。
人生地不熟，会面对种种困难挑战。除了可以有所成长，更希望我的朋友们能平平安安，顺心如意。
除了心里默默祝福，真的不知道要讲些什么安慰语。

~~~~~~

由于同事被调走，星期六日duty calls就悬空。
抽签的结果是我要顶替这两天。
可是星期六要去新加坡呈献赞颂。
既然已做好一切前行，最好不要临时缺席。找人换一天吧。
问、问、问。
过程中起嗔心，抱怨。
等有同事真的愿意跟我换了，心里又有些不安定：
要是师父知道的话，
他愿意看到我为了参加赞颂而起嗔心吗？
一直坚持要换，会不会是一种执著？
这时候，成功成行的喜悦掩盖不了起嗔心的内疚感。

> I managed to go Spore oledi.
< Great to hear that!!
> But i qi chen xin (起嗔心) during the process of dealing. Feeling bad now.
< To notice the bad feeling is an achievement. I believe you can apply what you learned so far.

再调心，
这是一个学习，让我更珍惜演出的机会。
所以更用心。

隔天工作时，
< How is your Spore trip yesterday?
> Great! Cannot say is fun, but is very meaningful.
嘴角扬起满足的笑容。

在此谢谢帮助我成行的同事们，
与所有提点我的善友们。

月上青天

月上青天师在心
缕缕炉香遥升腾
香开云烟恩师现
慈心悲心皓月明

月照我心 月照我心
夜海茫茫顿光明
月上青天 师在我心
宇宙好清明

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

这是马六甲广论班在新加坡福智赞颂观摩会呈献的赞颂曲。
开始练唱时，高音唱不好，笑容很僵硬，眼神不一致，声音出不来...
为唱而唱。
直到有人建议大家在唱时应该在心中有同样的画面，避免同唱异境。
从揣摩词句中诠释心里对师父、三宝的那份情怀......

~~~~~~

台上一分钟，台下十年功
忘了在台上的感觉，只觉得很快就结束了。
充斥我脑海中的，
是用心体会的歌词意境。
在茫茫业海当中，
三宝的功德，师父的恩德，
其实都默默在
礼照着我的心，予我指引。
心记得，心调服，
把文字结合身心，
师即在我心。

~~~~~~
感恩身边的师法友陪着我成长。^_^

不是随意涂鸦...

中秋普茶

日常老法师

My dear old friend..

While watching for 台湾请法团前行 DVD suddenly a quarter of my 4 year old laptop screen turned grey , added on 26 variety colored line dashing on the screen. Previously wished to change to a new laptop when the 10th line comes. Felt abit hard to read through the greys, so i came out with a so called brilliant idea: resizing all the windows to avoid the grey area. It don't bother me anymore. Hehe...

Anyway, since my old friend had deteriorated action and reaction, mayb i will consider to invite a new young friend to help him out.

有趣...

我知道不用浇水，谢谢提醒。

那不是我。

好一个‘芒’里偷闲。

又搬回来这儿

从Window Live Space搬回来这儿，因为有比较多自主权，而且blogspot现在能和其他人有互动了，不是孤伶伶的岛民。

可惜的是，我只能搬文回来，留言搬不回来...

提醒

话说上星期带小三佛学班，因为喉咙痛，所以打算让他们照着课本折纸。
小鸡和小狗。准备仓促的我之前尝试折小鸡，但到后半段就不会了。现在翻过去看到小狗：好像比较简单一点。
所以老实跟小朋友们说：我们大家一起研究看怎么把小狗折出来！
折呀，折呀。
接近最后造型，真的不知道要怎么折了。
我再试几下，还是不行，看到小朋友们都好像意兴阑珊，就说：很难咧，不然老师教你们折纸鹤好吗？
这时其中一个小朋友说：老师，酱子不是半途而废？
对，他提醒我不要放弃！所以我再继续绞尽脑汁一下，终于成功了。
“还好XX提醒我们不要半途而废，我们把小狗折出来了！"
可以确定的是现场是我最开心。

My new old car

Previously driving wira 1.5M, needed by sis since she'll start working soon.
So my dad went for a second hand Toyota Corolla 1.6 SEG, 10 years old, but still in good hand.
Auto gear, quite convenient especially in taman with thousands of speed bumps.

热得想出走...

热、热、热。

在家常揶揄老爸装酱多冷气破坏环境，害我每天鼻子塞着。可是现在热到想天天驾车回家吹冷气。

中午去外面吃饭后被警备森严的store还拒在外。只好跟jaga聊一下。

>  很热咧！特别是昨天。
<  Yalor, ozon sudah mao habis.
>  Yalor tak boleh tahan.
<  Kamu masih okay lagi, kat dalam ada air cond lagi... saya kena santai di luar.......

过后门开了，很开心地走了进去，抱歉不能陪他在外面santai。
从来没有这么喜欢呆在医院过。早上起来就流汗，就想快快去上班，也不想claim time-off。

今晚不能tahan，跑到静思书轩去发奋图强。点了一杯洛神花茶，读一读类固醇和抗生素。舒服舒服，不过灯光偏暗，（我习惯读书有spotlight）

现在整身皮肤好像发烫酱，接触到平面就好像摩擦痛痛酱，头好像发烧酱。我要关电脑去睡觉了。刚才午觉睡不成功。

要看。想想...

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

画面有点geli，可是真实的画面不经修饰，本来就比较不迎合我们的口味。要看。想想我们做了什么。
很多时候是没有想那么多。
会不会害到人吃KFC时会不安乐？
不用。只要不浪费食物，不暴饮暴食，对得起良心就好。

住在马来西亚是很幸福的，当我们还是小朋友的时候，教科书和老师就一直提醒我们。
不过会变麻木。通常比较记得怎样被不公平对待多一点。在一起聊天也比较是抱怨多过感恩。习惯了啦。
抱怨了过后就会觉得自己身在福中不知福，酱小事都好抱怨，真的是经不起风吹雨打，枝叶堪折。
幸福不是在于拥有了什么，而是珍惜了多少。我不要失去一切才来珍惜。
下次听到我在抱怨的话请提醒我。

人身是脆弱的

今天不必去上班，因为我MC。
可是给我选我宁愿去上班。
第一次坐救伤车，第一次坐轮椅，第一次打麻醉针，第一次缝针。
缝针痛苦的不是痛觉，是因为我怕痒。
过程真的很久又很不舒服。我哭了。
然后问医生：For ppl in my age do they cry when doing this?.... yes yes don worry it's common... coz u r not used to it.. c'mon juz relax..
为了分散注意力还讲了很多废话：我每个月都会哭一次啦，这个月到月尾了还没有哭过所以要好好哭一场。
医生应该看我是staff，所以特别优待用cosmetic的缝法，所以3cm缝了十多针。
缝完毕趁bius还没过赶快驾车回淡边。爸爸一直说小儿科啦，不要那么夸张啦。还说你酱一点点小事就酱多声音啦，所以以后车要买大辆一点的。
他之前割到左手自己驾手牙去医院缝，都不用救伤车。
大家要好好照顾自己，不要白白受无妄之灾。哈。

无题

大爱电视报导一个实验：若我们对着一杯水说好话发善念，水的结晶结构会变得很美。

爸爸：有没有发现自从妈妈安装大爱电视台后，那电视上蜘蛛网的结构也变得很美了...

暖暖的清汤米粉

今天家人全部上学校去了，没像往常一样一起去吃早餐。
不过早上起来还是有早餐吃，爸爸特地打包回来给我。
感动咧...

在家闲着没事，突然很想去婆婆家跟她讲话，虽然听不懂她讲什么，但可以坐在一旁静静看着她，用眼神关怀她。
她静静躺着的时刻很安详，面容变得很瘦削，有点心疼。
希望你过得很好。我会想念你的。

~~~~~~~~~~~

晚上去参加一个葬礼，以基督教仪式进行，蛮祥和有意义。
第一次看到一个年轻的身躯静静地躺着，一种她很不属于那里的感觉。花样年华人生绽放的时刻。
人身脆弱，死亡接近。

Surprise!!

I prefer watching tv broadcast than dvd or internet downloads.. during weekends at home juz sit in front of tv, press the remote control till i found a channel that worth staying.. will be very delighted if my favourite program appears on screen...

My friend prefer using pc to catch dramas coz can control the progress and choose whatever episodes she likes...

Guess i like surprises... something unexpected that turn out to be pleasant, will cheer me up...
my daily life is too routine... so i would like to let it be... in whatever it cans...

Get to know that after finish PRP i can choose not to continue compulsary service promptly... which i can start planning something to be done in that period... but financially?? have to secure consistent income for whatever i do... so.. have to plan...

Before planning for something six month ahead, have to plan for a wonderful trip for my jimuis that ll come over in june... looking forward to it... want to bring them going anywhere worth to go, and eating anything worth to taste... is mini malaysia worth going?? haha...

Is something...

Mayb i'm not the person who likes to reveal all my personal stuffs and feeling to public, so even writing here will have to think twice...

Recovered a small book yesterday, a sketch book from cathyjordaneast, which described her trip in london n tokyo. she will write down her experiences n small feelings together with some drawing. and the book left spaces for me to write some. i flipped back the old entries that i made... and added in some recent feelings... using colour pencils to decorate it.. and enjoyed the process of recording my life...

I'm 25 today.. sometimes feels like i'm not ready to be one yet. someone grown old after 25. your face, energy, concentration.. deteriorated. somehow wisdom grows, after encountering more people, more events, more stuffs to take care of. more decisions to make. i enjoy more freedom n more money to spend...

Attitude... don't change much though... had a huge impact from a camp that warrant us to change... guess it isn't huge enough, and i'm not paying much effort to it.. be more patience... try not to act by custom.. try to encounter it a positive way （不为发生作反应）.. but why am i still manipulated by temper when something undesirable happens? and regretted after that.. lose again to myself.. i want to win myself over... not surrendering to the old habits..

Felt inferior when someone criticized me, easily terasa.. esp family members, who i'm concerned of every single words they said, and pay less tolerance... sometimes had a wrong perception that family members are forever there for u whatever u done to them, so didn't really take care of their feelings.. esp putting too much expectations on them, that they should act according to YOUR way.. "you won't end up like this if u listened to me'... 'you better do this before u regret for it'... 'already tell u many many times, y still don't listen to me?'... too much concern is a pressure... guess we are all allowed to choose our steps ahead... bad things happened to you may be a good thing for him... although it turn out bad, but he learned.. the precious experience.. even we don't agreed on his choice, but let it be, it's his, he has the right... all we can do is to clear things up n support it.. sometimes argument happens coz i talked too much and overeacted... juz shut up and try to understand his thought.. stop being too... compulsive...

Since ah nee went overseas and starting to explore herself better... guess i should make the move too... not juz staying in the comfort zone.. (e.g. willing to compromise my bladder's health for dirty toilet bowls).. i want to contribute.. not because of those in need (you are not that important as u thought), but to appreciate myself more.. to make full use of it.. not juz wasting my life.. thinking is easier than action... and i'm juz in the stage of having an idea of it.. i had 6 months of PRP to go, still wondering if HAG will allow a long holiday after paying my salary for a year, without my service. so i guess... will try to remind myself that working is a good way of contributing too... coz i tend to forget it and grumbles alot... enjoy working... enjoy serving... enjoy contributing...

To be continued... later... after the thunder ceased...

你是我的朋友嗎？

> >現在幾點: 3.50pm 20/3/2009
> >你的全名: 彭筱慧 Pang Xiao Hui
> >你現在正在聽誰的歌: 林俊杰
> >你在哪裡讀書(工作): 古城
> >你最後吃的一樣東西是什麼: Spaghetti
> >現在天氣如何: 温和
> >戴隱形眼鏡嗎: 最近没有
> >上一次生日蛋糕上蠟燭的數目: 一支
> >你通常吹熄這些蠟燭的日期：10月11日
> >你家養過什麼 : 四条化骨龙
> >兄弟姊妹跟他們的年紀: 大妹23，弟弟17，小妹12
> >眼珠顏色: 棕黑色
> >耳朵有幾個洞: 一边一个
> >有刺青嗎: 没有
> >喜歡你目前的生活嗎: 不错
> >出生地: 花城
> >目前居住地: 燕子城+古城
> >喝過酒嗎：有
> >覺得自己花心嗎：不
> >曾經出過車禍嗎？：没有 + Touch wood
> >暗戀過人嗎： 有
> >不敢跟人告白嗎: 是
> >喜歡吃啥麼東西嗎: waffle
> >喜歡喝什麼: 热豆奶
> >最喜歡的顏色: 橙黄色、苹果绿
> >喜歡的卡通人物: 想不起
> >喜歡看哪一種的電影：科幻、喜剧
> >最喜歡的卡通人物或品牌：没有特定
> >最懷念的日子: 大学
> >最傷心的日子: 都过去了
> >喜歡的花：没有特定
> >最怕遇到的人：对我看不顺眼的人
>>喜歡的運動: 瑜伽、脚车
> >喜歡的冰淇淋種纇: Jagung
> >最怕什麼東西：鬼
> >喜歡看的電視台：没有特定
> >如果有來世: 肯定有来世，可是还没想
> >討厭做的事: 被逼做的事
> >討厭別人做什麼事：吸烟、吐痰
> >擅長的事: 打字、做面包
> >上次上醫院是什麼時候: 刚才（做工）
> >以後想做什麼職業：时间自由的义工
> >你覺得自己十年後會在哪裡: 哪里都好
> >無聊的時候你大多做些什麼: 看书、上网、吃东西
> >世上最惱人的事：坏人越来越多
> >全世界最好的事：大家都学佛
> >沒把握的事情態度如何：问人、找书
> >如果有人誤會你：解释
> >如果有人誤會你，又不聽你解释: 不听就算
> >有想過要怎麼對付你討厭的人嗎：暂时没有讨厌的人
> >你認為你的另一半幫你付錢是理所當然的嗎：当然不是
> >現在心裡最想念的人是誰： 家人
> >今天心情好嗎： 好
> >有想過要自殺: 负气话时说过